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Stuff You Gotta
Watch's
THE BEST OF 2006 |
We started the site thinking that interesting quotes would be, well... interesting.
Why We Love Alan Alda
"In the old days, the movie business was
controlled by people who had emotional and artistic investments in what
they made. Now, it’s accountants and lawyers. They could just as easily
be running a shoe factory."
"... All movies these days seem like they have to submit their script to the Office of Preposterosity. You have to have three preposterous things in every movie, otherwise it won’t get made."
Why
We Love Roger EbertFrom his review of Mission Impossle 3: "Either you want to see mindless action and computer - generated sequences executed with breakneck speed and technical precision, or you do not. I am getting to the point where I don't much care. There is a theory that action is exciting and dialogue is boring. My theory is that variety is exciting and sameness is boring. Modern high-tech action sequences are just the same damn thing over and over again."
After interesting quotes, we figured pictures of pretty gals would be good too.
Gratuitous Filler Photo:
Alyson HanniganAlyson Hannigan has always been funny and endearing, as well as one of the most adorable redheads on the planet. You can see her in reruns of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and on the CBS sitcom How I Met Your Mother. She's such a cutie, we actually forgive her for Date Movie.
Almost.
It was the Year of Sopranos-Bashing...
The Tedium is the Message
Have you, like millions of others, felt that The Sopranos was really, really boring this season? According to Long Island Newsday critic Verne Gay, you're wrong! Gay says: "This season has been the most subtle, most provacative, most deeply, richly, endlessly rewarding season in Sopranos history!" Apparently, the problem is that the season was filled with so much symbolism, Freudianism and literary allusions, the average Sopranos fan was just too stupid to comprehend it. "No wonder college English professors are so energized by this season," said Mr. Gay, "and why so many viewers are dispirited." And here we thought that so many viewers were dispirited because nothing remotely interesting happened all season. We apologize to English professors everywhere as we prepare ourselves mentally for the final eight Sopranos episodes coming in January '07 by watching reruns of Seinfeld --- that other show about nothing.
Any chance we could get to mention Jessica, we did. She's hawt.
Gratuitous Filler Photo: Jessica Alba
We have yet to review any movie or
television show featuring the comely Jessica Alba. It is a fact that
one of of us tried to make make it through Season One of Dark Angel but
only got to episode six or so before we got quite bored, despite many
appearances of Jessica in a skintight bike-riding outfit. Nevertheless,
we are heterosexual guys and, as such, we are required by United States
Law to believe that she is quite the hottie. Therefore, in her honor,
we quote her advice to the youth of the world, as spoken at the recent
MTV Movie Awards: "Practice safe sex and drive a hybrid if you can."
We await further clarificaton from the lovely Miss Alba on whether we are to do these two things at the same time.
We often pondered the career of Scarlett Johansson. Seriously, who doesn't do that now and then?
It's True: Old Jewish Guys Just Love Miss Scarlett!
Fresh off her two movies with Woody Allen,
the Nordically beauteous Scarlett Johannson must have realized she
preferred the company of younger men, and can now be seen in Bob
Dylan's latest video for the song "When the Deal Goes Down" from his
new album Modern Times.
Although Stuff You
Gotta Watch
is still on the
fence about her acting (we are sure she has more talent than Jessica
Alba), we still think she is visually slendiferous and have no problem
with her teaming up with Bob Dylan, as long as it doesn''t involve any
exchange of fluids beyond sharing a cool refreshing Zima.
We used to mention Lindsay, Britney, etc. We don't any more.
Say Goodnight, Lindsay
If you
are old enough
to remember The Burns
and Allen Show yet still follow the latest Hollywood
gossip, you
may be
amused by the recent stories about Lindsay Lohan's lovelife.
Apparently, she's been having trouble keeping a steady relationship
with her boyfriend, who's name is... Harry Morton. Harry Morton? Isn't
he married to Blanche? Oh, well, we hear that if things don't work out,
Harry Von Zell is just dying to step in and take Harry's place.
(Pictured: Actor Larry Keating, who played "Harry Morton" on The George
Burns and Gracie Allen Show in the 1950s.)
We got a little angry with Emma Watson. In retrospect, we're ashamed.
Alohamora Means Goodbye?
Emma Watson may want off that gravy train
known as the Hogwart's Express. Watson, who has no prior history of
mental illness, recently told Newsweek
that she is not sure if she'll
return as the bothersome but brainy Hermione Granger after Harry Potter and the Order of
the Phoenix.
She seems like a nice, normal teen
celebrity (a rare commodity these days), so we don't really want to
come down too hard on her but... girl, what are you thinking??? You get
paid tons of money, have millions of fans planetwide, and people build
entire magical worlds around you on a yearly basis. And your job
consists of looking worried and spouting exposition about mandragoras,
dress robes and what-not. Times being what they are, we suggest you
keep the position.
There was a new Bond. We were cautiously optimistic. But irritated at some of the Bond news.
Brewski - Bottled, Not Canned
According to an article in
Parade Magazine,
James Bond, as played by newcomer Daniel Craig, will not be allowed to
smoke cigars in the upcoming CASINO ROYALE because smoking is now
considered too evil to be shown in the movies (while Jackass 2 and Death of a President
are apparently
just ducky.) It is also rumored
that he will be drinking lager instead of his usual martinis because of
a product placement deal with a famous beer company we will not
mention.
Here are some other ways we would like to see the character of James Bond ruined next time around:
- He should refer to his famous gun, the Walther PPK, as "my little pee-pee" and then say "Oooh!" and make a naughty face like old-time British comedian Frankie Howerd.
- His new catchphrase should be "Eeek! Bad guys!" possibly followed by "Feets, do yo' stuff!"
- He should be played by a woman. We hear Emma Watson may soon be available.
A little tribute to Dick Cavett. Because we say so.
Thou Shalt Not Cavett Thy Neighbor's Talk Show
Each Thursday night
lately, Turner Classic
Movies has been showing
episodes of Dick Cavett's old shows from the '70s in which he
interviews such luminaries as Groucho Marx (pictured), Bette Davis,
Woody Allen and Alfred Hitchcock. These episodes reveal that not only
did Cavett have one of the best talk shows on the air back in his day,
but also that it would still be the best talk show on TV today. Comedy
Central's John Stewart may interview some interesting people (but
unfortunately too many politicians) on his Daily Show, but only for
five minutes, and he constantly interrupts them with his own jokes and
patter. Dick Cavett allowed his guests to shine.
Sorry, St. Louis... the World Champion Cardinals were mediocre. The 2006 Mets? Now that was a team!
Not Taking the World Seriesly
(Or: "We're So Sorry, Slugger Albert")
This year's Series, won by the St. Louis Cardinals over the Detroit Tigers, was the lowest rated in television history. There are many possible expanations, but we suspect that a series between an NL team with an 83-79 regular season record and an AL team that couldn't even win their own division was perhaps a bit too random for fans who believe that baseball's final contest is supposed to pit the best against the best. That there was only one legitimate superstar on either roster (St. Louis' Albert Pujols) probably didn't help matters either. Then again, had the Mets' Carlos Beltran swung the bat instead of taking a called third strike with the bases loaded in the bottom of the ninth of Game Seven of the NLCS against the Cardinals, we might not even be bringing this up.
This movie came and went faster than you could say its title.
This News Item Brought to You By the Letter F
This month, director Steve Anderson's 90-minute documentary about the F-Word will be released to theaters. One hour and a half, all about a single profanity. The one-word title? Take a wild guess.
Does anybody else long for the days when Hollywood was run by adults?
Dear Sarah: Thanks for making our first year mildly successful.
It's a Gellar Day for Her
What would this site do without Sarah Michelle Gellar? Her 2004 creepy
ghost flick The Grudge
has
been this site's number one search phrase
for the past five months and in October alone led to our page more
than 4500 times!
Because of that, plus the multiple hits for Buffy, we name Sarah Michelle Gellar as Stuff You Gotta Watch's 2006 Woman of the Year, with all the rights, privileges, honors, duties and taxes thereunto appertaining. We feel certain Time and Newsweek will follow suit.
Ah, the eternal questions...
Shemp Wants a Recount!
The poll results are in. No, we're not talking about the U.S. mid-term election results, but about the even more important results in the Marx Brothers versus Three Stooges poll at the Internet Movie Database. In a recent daily poll, members of IMDB voted for the Brothers Marx over the Stooges Three roughly 44 percent to 30 percent. The rest of the vote was split between those who like them both equally and the completely humorless people who don't like either. Imagine that - we live on a planet where there are people who find neither Groucho nor Curly funny. I guess that's why God invented Adam Sandler.
Why would any not love Albert Brooks?
Why
We Love Albert
Brooks
"We export films that are full of sleazy [penis] jokes and toilet humor - that's why we've earned the affectionate nickname of the Great Satan. What's seemingly benign, by our standards, is doing more damage to us around the world than anything I could ever do." - from an interview concerning his film Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World.
O.J. was back in the news, and that's never good.
Don't Turn on the Juice
Whenever you think that American culture has reached its lowest point, count on O.J, Simpson to prove otherwise. "The Juice" is about to promote his new book with a TV special titled If I Did It, Here's How It Happened. The "it" in question, of course, is the double-murder of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman. (Just in case you thought it was going to be about his winning the Heisman Trophy in 1968.) This multi-media extravaganza redefines the words vile, disgusting and loathsome, which, if we remember correctly, was the law firm that got O.J. off the hook in the first place.
I am Ki-Ran!
Gratuitous
Filler PhotoWhile walking to work early Saturday morning in New York City, I passed the ground-floor studios of Fox News at 48th and 6th, where several people gathered outside near the huge studio window to watch the weekend morning show in progress. As I joined this group for a few moments, a profound thought suddenly struck me as if from on high --- Fox and Friends Weekend co-host Kiran Chetry is really, really pretty! - JB
Our optimism paid off. Daniel Craig WAS James Bond.
Daniel, You're a Star...
Despite a year of prerelease whining from a certain section of James Bond fans, Daniel Craig's been receiving highly complimentary notices for his performance as the new 007 in CASINO ROYALE. Best Bond since Connery, many say. Check out our review and see if we agree.
EXCLUSIVE SATTELITE PHOTO OF THE TOM CRUISE AND KATIE HOLMES WEDDING
O.J. Stayed in the news, meaning one thing: more O.J. jokes.
O.J. Killed!
Realizing that airing the quasi-confession of a wrongful death-doer was probably not the best way to begin the Christmas season, media giant Rupert Murdoch has killed O.J. Simpson's book and television special. Now that he has two nights of television to fill, we humbly suggest something more wholesome, befitting the season of love, peace and commercialism. How about A Manson Family Christmas? A Charlie Brown Axe-Murder? Michael Jackson's A Child's Christmas in Neverland? A Very Kramer Kwaanza? We could go on. But we won't. Okay, maybe one more: Mel Gibson's Drunken Hannukuh?
Not many sites had a full section devoted to Japanese icon Zatoichi. So we figured, why not?
That
Crazy
Blind Bastard!
If you've never
seen a Zatoichi film, you owe it to yourself
and your loved ones to
rent one today. We are winding down our exploration of the
world
of Shintaro Katsu and his classic Blind Swordsman character, which he
played in a series of 26 movies from 1962 to 1989. Only five
more
films to go. Check out our latest Zatoichi
reviews and then read up on the rest to see which Zatoichi film
best suits your lifestyle.
Sometimes in our news items, we remember that the reason for our site is to promote classic movies.
For
the Benefit of Those Who Do Not Know Him, He Is the Great McGonicleOne item on our Wish List for 2007 is coming true already! No, Earth has not been declared a Tom Cruise-free zone, nor have celebrities learned self-control. But in March 2007, Universal will release a second W.C. Fields DVD set that includes five films, including four of his best: You're Telling Me, The Man on the Flying Trapeze, The Old Fashioned Way and Never Give a Sucker an Even Break. Also to be included is the fun but lackluster Poppy. Godfrey Daniels, Mother of Pearl, this is great news!
This site has two missions. Get people interested in old movies, and get Lacey Chabert a decent career.
A Lacey Underwear Pun is Too Easy
Just one month after posting our Wish List for 2007,
we have already
seen it affect the state of world affairs. First, the
announcement of a second W.C. Fields DVD set, and now, actress Lacey
Chabert gets her first magazine cover in ages, plus a major part in a
new Christmas
movie. Okay, so maybe the magazine is not Time,
Newsweek or even Marie
Claire
but Maxim,
and yes, maybe
Lacey appears on the cover
not in some glamourous gown but in her
underwear. And sure, perhaps the new movie is Black
Christmas, a remake
of an old slasher flick and not destined to be remembered years from
today like It's a
Wonderful Life
or Holiday
Inn. So, yeah, maybe
our wish isn't coming true and her career isn't
taking off right now in the classy way we had hoped for. But
we
still
love Lacey.
Even more so now that we've seen her in her underwear.
Yes, we're just that powerful.
We Can Change the World!
It's just astonishing. First, a second W. C. Fields set announced, next some fresh "exposure" for Lacey Chabert. And now word from various sources that Disney just may be ready to leave the CGI animation to Pixar and return exclusively to traditional 2D animation. Maybe next year, our Wish List will include no more war, disease, hunger or poverty!
Copyright © John V. Brennan, John Larrabee 2006. All Rights Reserved.
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Copyright © 2008 John V. Brennan, John Larrabee