Wish List for 2006Peace on
Earth, By John V. Brennan November 2006 |
 |
May movie makers stop with the CGI already!
When the computer-generated dinosaurs were first revealed in JURASSIC PARK, I was stunned at their realism. I considered it an extraordinary step in the evolution of special effects, and I still believe that. But since then, CGI has become the dominant force in movies. A decade after JURASSIC PARK, every weekly blockbuster looks like a video game, and I am no longer stunned, just bored.
More things I wish for in 2006:
May they actually fully explain something - anything - on the series Lost. And may the show (a) not go on so long that we won't care what the hell is going on any more and (b) be able to wrap up all the stories before the network cancels it, which, of course, happens to every show eventually, good or bad.
May the long-shelved PINK PANTHER update starring Steve Martin remain shelved until it decomposes. On that note, may Steve Martin and Eugene Levy stop lowering themselves to do any old script that comes along and remember that they were once comedy gods of the eighties.
May the rest of the former cast of Buffy the Vampire Slayer find the same subsequent television success as Alyson Hannigan (How I Met Your Mother and Veronica Mars), Charisma Carpenter (Veronica Mars) and David Boreanaz (Bones).
May photographers and gossip columnists stop covering Lindsay Lohan. Okay, she parties and she has a dysfunctional family. Why is that supposed to be so interesting? Ditto on Brad and Angelina.
May JAWS, CITIZEN KANE and CASABLANCA continue to remain un-remade, in 2006 and beyond.
May they stop making sequels and prequels to THE EXORCIST. The original film was a classic. The rest? Not so much.
May the next Hollywood producer who conceives of a movie adaptation of a classic TV series have his cocaine privileges revoked for a year.
May the Academy create a special "Peter Lorre Lifetime Achievement Award" for ugly, oily character actors who make good movies better. May they retroactively award the first one to the late Thomas Gomez and line up Steve Buscemi for honors in 2007.
May mainstream Hollywood remember that movies are supposed to be our best entertainment, not our best way of advancing one-sided political agendas.
May Jennifer Garner find a series as fun as Alias.
May whatever happens in the DVD format wars end up in a way that does not make our current collections useless.
May beautiful Hollywood starlets stop morphing into anorexic Paris Hilton clones.
May studios stop releasing DVDs and then rereleasing them later in expanded editions that we are supposed to buy all over again.
May the Disney Channel bring back Kim Possible or at least release it complete on DVD.
May Warner Brothers or Fox purchase the Hal Roach collection from Hallmark and release all the restored Laurel and Hardy films in a lavish boxed set, followed by a release of everything else in the Roach archives. And may monkeys not fly out of my butt if this ever happens.
May there be a moratorium on tasteless movie adaptations of Dr. Seuss stories.
May the 1930s black-and-white Fleischer Studios Popeye cartoons be released on DVD.
May George Lucas remember that he once made AMERICAN GRAFFITI and forget that he ever made STAR WARS. May Steven Spielberg remember he once made DUEL, JAWS and CATCH ME IF YOU CAN and stop trying to make each new movie bigger and more important than the previous one.
May movie comedy scriptwriters come up with more imaginative sight gags than cat abuse and groin-kicking. May they go back and look at the Marx Brothers, early Woody Allen and Neil Simon comedies, or even episodes of Frasier, to see how it is possible craft a witty line of dialogue that doesn't depend on profanity for its laugh-content.
May The Sopranos not come back at all. The show has never been better than its first season, and it's been two years since the last fresh episode. As Tony Soprano might say, who gives a &%$# anymore? And may I resist the urge to resubscribe to HBO when the new season finally arrives.
May TV producers
reintroduce
themselves to
good taste. (I hope you weren't drinking milk when you read
that.)
May Jennifer Aniston, Will Ferrell and Morgan Freeman relax a bit and enjoy life for an hour or two before making yet another movie.
May somebody give me a logical explanation why we pay for cable television each month and still have to endure commercials on nearly every channel, and why I should not expect the same to happen to sattelite radio eventually.
Finally, may the stars of Desperate Housewives stop giving interviews in which they talk about how they like to physically pleasure themselves. Seriously, stop it, ladies. You're really sounding desperate. - JB
Copyright © John V. Brennan 2006. All Rights Reserved.
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